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Friday 7 October 2016

Drawing diary: September


This isn't much of a drawing diary entry: as predicted, I haven't had much time to draw at all. I almost decided to skip this month, but I'll use the space to give you guys an' girls a general update of sorts.

I've lived in Amsterdam for almost a decade. This January, I moved to a small town to spend more time with my family, and although I grew up here, I'm still not used to it. I went to the University of Amsterdam a couple of times last month and it just feels odd. The capital is still as crazy and hectic as always, but now I'm an outsider. It's silly: when I lived there I missed the quiet and nature; now I live in a town, I miss being part of everything. Screw you, feels.

Because of all the nostalgic feelings I really wanted to draw A'dam for you guys during one of my trips there. But I ended up being so busy with my studies that I never found the time! The only thing that I managed to draw was the window on my way back in the train.


This is the landscape of Noord-Holland: extremely flat, lots of grass, cows and/or sheep and water. The rows of poplar trees along roads are typical as well. Making this was hard because the train moved so fast that whatever I was drawing was already gone when I looked up again. So the picture is built together from elements that I collected as I rode past rather than that it's a representation of an actual spot in space. You'll have to imagine the cows in there yourself: I tried drawing one, but it was a disaster!

September was extremely busy: study-wise and on top of that I had the obligatory health issues going on. In desperate need of relaxing, I started drawing birch trunks. I don't know what it is, but I simply love birch forests. Ever since my holiday in Sweden I wanted to draw one, and this was my first attempt. It's only half the size in reality.


The whole of September was filled with finishing a super important paper (of the "if you don't make it you'll have to study for two years longer and - oh yeah - half the class didn't make it" type). I worked so hard on it, I probably shouldn't have been surprised that it backfired when I was done. I am so. Extremely. Tired. I can't seem to work or focus on anything this week (not even blogging, I'm forcing myself to write this now). I'm also in pain and am constantly nauseous, so I had to cancel all appointments and plans I had. And as always with such setbacks, gloomy thoughts lurk around, waiting for a moment to overtake me.

I'm mostly annoyed by having to cancel my attendance to two band rehearsals. I'm missing the concert tomorrow; it would've been the first time for me back on stage since I became ill in 2013. I'm trying not to be angry with myself, because I know it's not my fault that I'm chronically fatigued, but I don't always manage. It's such a disappointment.

I know I should look at the positive side of things, and I try to. Even though it felt like I was falling over, I did manage to do some running this week. And although I couldn't make the rehearsals, at least I did play the cello again, after not having touched it for half a year. I'm allowing myself some slack this week, so I'm drawing a lot - I'm loving it! I've already made something that I can't wait to show you when this month is over. And, last but not least, I'll be making my first podcast appearance this weekend!! (I'm not saying where yet, you'll see.)

If I focus on the things that I do manage, there are actually some cools things going on. Everything I do progresses so much slower than it used to because of my chronic illness, but eventually I'm going to finish my studies and get a life, like everyone around me. I just have to keep going.

16 comments :

  1. Yeah I am sure you will finish! I love that drawing from the train, I really recognise the trees along the river which you pass by the train. That is my favorite part of the journey to amsterdam :), except when I go via Amersfoort, than you pass the Naardermeer. Your birch tree is also nice, although I am more a fan of oak (it has more plant gall species ;P).

    So do I get rav rep for saying that there is again a stop sign as banner :(.

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    1. Oaks are my favourite trees! I'm not so much a fan of birches an sich, but I love groups of them. I'm not sure if that makes sense? I love the colours of birch forests, but I feel more "at home" among oaks.

      And I was so sure I uploaded the banner the right way, grrrr! I noticed as soon as I checked who wrote the comment. Must've been the fatigue.

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    2. Yeah birch forest is very beautiful, I agree. The colour of the bark is very pretty. But oaks are just better, maybe I also feel more at home among oaks, and they are often good climbing trees, which is also very important :).

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    3. Another important benefit of oaks identified! Climbing birches really sucks. :P

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    1. +1 Cunning to Traitine for reading through it all and identifying the exciting news. ;)

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  3. These are pretty cool and for some reason the colors feel very autumn-ish for me.

    If I ever get my wish to move to a small town I worry I will feel just like you. I lived all my life in this metropolis and I am sick of it due to a lot of reasons. But if I move to a small town I am sure I will miss a lot of the things here too, mainly the convenience to certain things. Why can't we have the best of both worlds?

    Sorry to hear about your problems the previous month. Hopefully this month will be better.

    Looking forward to that podcast and the next drawings. :)

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    1. Wait, Rakuno... what colours? You're seeing more than I! ;)

      I actually felt a bit ashamed for only having grayscale drawings this month, but it was so crazy.. I'm happy I had *something* to show. But I know what you mean, especially the train window picture feels really cold and autumny to me. Perhaps it's the combination of the grayscale and white with those slanting poplars, as if they're blown over. In reality it wasn't particularly windy that day: those poplars have grown to stand that way because they're continuously exposed, and they would do so in the summer as well. But I do get the same feeling from that picture, even though I hadn't thought of it before, so it's a really good observation!

      And you're totally right, I wish we could have the best of both worlds! I've been missing Lund a lot lately: I was so happy there one year ago. It was autumn when I moved there, and every sign of autumn triggers the feeling. The only way to never feel like this is to never travel and stay at the same spot, but then you're missing out on so many things. If this is the price to experience life, I will gladly pay it.

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  4. I love birch trees because, growing up in the city, we had two of them in the courtyard that always fascinated me as a kid: the patterns of their bark, their tiny leaves, the funny nature of their seeds. One of them ended up "waving at us" through our third-floor flat windows once it got tall enough. I was outraged when I discovered during my last visit that it had been cut down for being dangerously high for an inner-city tree!

    I wish you the best of luck with your study stuff. :) I'm just reluctant to say anything like "I'm sure you'll succeed" because I know that too much pressure can also backfire. (I'm a university drop-out myself and it can feel like a bit of a stigma sometimes.)

    Very much looking forward to the podcast appearance! :) I'm disappointed that the only podcast I was ever asked to star on was a World of Warcraft one... years after I'd stopped playing, lol.

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    1. I can almost see those birch trees when you describe them. It's such a cute story. I can relate to it, too, because we used to have an awesome mulberry tree in our backyard that you could climb in. I had made up names for all the different parts you could sit in (the tree has a weird form that was perfect for climbing) and I can still remember them. We had a little basket on a rope that my mum would fill and hoist up to 'supply' me and my friends when we were sitting high up in the tree. The mulberries were super tasty as well. When we moved town, I found out the new owners had taken it down. :'(

      And don't worry about the university thing. If there's any pressure, it originates from myself. I really want to be done with it! I'm sorry to hear it feels like a stigma at times for you. I know other people that have dropped out and they sometimes feel worthless because of it. They have nice jobs and lives, though, so I don't think it's justified! You can get a degree and still not find a suitable job; life can be such a lottery.

      And I was sure you'd been on a podcast, after all you've written about SWTOR. I'll drop your name if there's an opportunity. :)

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  5. I'm glad you're continuing to post your drawing diaries, they're whimsical and fun. Speaking of fun, I'm looking forward to your podcast appearance. You sound so busy and continue to be a creative spirit despite your health issues. I'm sure you're frustrated, but you're doing more than most people manage.

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    1. Haha, these drawing diary entries do seem to trigger such random topics. I mean, "birches" is not exactly a common topic of conversation, but I enjoy what everyone has to say so much! I'm glad you're liking it, even though it's a bit detached from the rest of this blog's content.

      And thank you so much for your kind words. I do feel down and out of energy more often than I like to admit, but it's people like you that make me see the whole picture and give me renewed energy to battle on. Thank you. <3

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  6. Those drawings are lovely <3

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  7. I'm the worst at drawing. Really like the train window one -you even have the 'glass refraction' in there -nice detail :)

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    1. Yay, glad you like it! Those were actually meant to be vapor trails of planes in the air. You often see them on clear days and this was one of them, no cloud to be seen. Also, the Netherlands is small and densely populated, so there are planes flying about everywhere. But they can double as glass refractions! :)

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