Drawing diary: September

This isn't much of a drawing diary entry: as predicted, I haven't had much time to draw at all. I almost decided to skip this month, but I'll use the space to give you guys an' girls a general update of sorts.

I've lived in Amsterdam for almost a decade. This January, I moved to a small town to spend more time with my family, and although I grew up here, I'm still not used to it. I went to the University of Amsterdam a couple of times last month and it just feels odd. The capital is still as crazy and hectic as always, but now I'm an outsider. It's silly: when I lived there I missed the quiet and nature; now I live in a town, I miss being part of everything. Screw you, feels.

Because of all the nostalgic feelings I really wanted to draw A'dam for you guys during one of my trips there. But I ended up being so busy with my studies that I never found the time! The only thing that I managed to draw was the window on my way back in the train.

This is the landscape of Noord-Holland: extremely flat, lots of grass, cows and/or sheep and water. The rows of poplar trees along roads are typical as well. Making this was hard because the train moved so fast that whatever I was drawing was already gone when I looked up again. So the picture is built together from elements that I collected as I rode past rather than that it's a representation of an actual spot in space. You'll have to imagine the cows in there yourself: I tried drawing one, but it was a disaster!

September was extremely busy: study-wise and on top of that I had the obligatory health issues going on. In desperate need of relaxing, I started drawing birch trunks. I don't know what it is, but I simply love birch forests. Ever since my holiday in Sweden I wanted to draw one, and this was my first attempt. It's only half the size in reality.

The whole of September was filled with finishing a super important paper (of the "if you don't make it you'll have to study for two years longer and - oh yeah - half the class didn't make it" type). I worked so hard on it, I probably shouldn't have been surprised that it backfired when I was done. I am so. Extremely. Tired. I can't seem to work or focus on anything this week (not even blogging, I'm forcing myself to write this now). I'm also in pain and am constantly nauseous, so I had to cancel all appointments and plans I had. And as always with such setbacks, gloomy thoughts lurk around, waiting for a moment to overtake me.

I'm mostly annoyed by having to cancel my attendance to two band rehearsals. I'm missing the concert tomorrow; it would've been the first time for me back on stage since I became ill in 2013. I'm trying not to be angry with myself, because I know it's not my fault that I'm chronically fatigued, but I don't always manage. It's such a disappointment.

I know I should look at the positive side of things, and I try to. Even though it felt like I was falling over, I did manage to do some running this week. And although I couldn't make the rehearsals, at least I did play the cello again, after not having touched it for half a year. I'm allowing myself some slack this week, so I'm drawing a lot - I'm loving it! I've already made something that I can't wait to show you when this month is over. And, last but not least, I'll be making my first podcast appearance this weekend!! (I'm not saying where yet, you'll see.)

If I focus on the things that I do manage, there are actually some cools things going on. Everything I do progresses so much slower than it used to because of my chronic illness, but eventually I'm going to finish my studies and get a life, like everyone around me. I just have to keep going.